Baby Registry Basics

I remember when I was pregnant feeling overwhelmed by the task of creating a baby registry. Now that my son is 2 years old I can look back and say that certain items were indispensable and others useless. I have already sent out a modified version of this list to several friends facing the daunting task of being a first time parent deciding what you need/want for your baby.

All of the things on this list I found very useful. All babies are different, but if you are looking for suggestions this may be a helpful place to start. If you have tons or money or tons of spaces you could add lots of items to this list, but I think of these as the essentials.

1. Baby Carriers/Baby Wearing: I think baby carriers are a must have and need to be top of the list (especially if you have a colicky or high needs newborn). I used a Moby Wrap almost non-stop during the newborn months (see my review here). I loved the Moby, although I never could figure out how to breastfeed in it. Another great carrier that is worth it's weight in gold is the Ergo (see more on baby wearing and the Ergo in this older blog post). I did not use the Ergo with my newborn, so I can not vouch for how that works. But starting at about 4 months it was a lifesaver.

Baby carriers are a hot topic and it is worth looking at all the options besides the standard Baby Bjorn, which is reputedly back for parent's backs and baby's too. TheBabyWearer is a great website with tons of baby carrier recommendations. Unfortunately a lot of the best carriers are not available at Target or BabiesRUs (the most popular baby registry stores), but it is worth looking elsewhere like Diapers.com. Also beware many of the carriers stocked by these chains are uncomfortable, unsafe, or too expensive and not very effective.

My son when he was 7 months old in our SweetPea Ring Sling.

The ring sling is the one I would recommend for the newborn period offering the best combination of comfort and ease of breastfeeding while carrying - the only disadvantage is that Dad's may think it looks girly and be less inclined to use it!

2. Bouncer: A simple bouncer is priceless, and we used to carry it around the house from room to room (sometimes while our son was asleep inside it). For the first few months our baby slept a lot in his bouncer even at night. We had the cheapest Fisher Price bouncer that had a vibrate mode and it worked fine for our purposes. We could even swaddle our son and strap him in to sleep when he was a newborn. Bouncers can get very fancy and pricey, as can swings. But for most purposes the simplest one is as good as the one with all the doodads.

3. Strollers: Instead of getting a stroller. We got a base that the carseat just straps into. Most models of infant car seats work with this base. It's very light and really easy to put in the back of the car and much simpler than buying a bigger stroller - which you can always do later... With the base if you are lucky and your baby falls asleep in the car seat you can transfer him or her from the car to the stroller without waking up (or vice versa)!

Car seat base - just clip the car seat in and go.

Maclaren Triumph

There are lots of stroller/infant carseat combos that you can buy, like these from Graco, but to me they all felt too big. On the topic of strollers, when my son was about 6 months and able to sit up we started using this Maclaren Triumph stroller. I bought it for about $115 on Amazon.com and I have logged many hundreds of miles on it. It is a work horse but ultra light and really handy for folding with one hand and lifting into your car, carrying upstairs, folding up and stashing in a small apartment, etc. I did buy a jogging stroller made by InStep, and I love it, but rarely use it for actual jogging, so it was sort of a waste in that sense.

Good swaddler with velcro!

4. Clothes: All the newborn clothes are adorably cute but we had so many that our son never even wore. If you are going to buy a lot of clothes or put them on a registry I would choose mostly 3-6 months and even 6-9 months. For us we were changing diapers so much the first few weeks that we basically just kept him in these cute shirts from Target (so we did not have to keep unsnapping onesies) and then swaddled him. We tried a couple different swaddle blankets, but the ones that worked for us were these: Summer Infant SwaddleMe, and we bought them in a couple different colors/fabrics. Basic blankets work well too, but we found that it was sort of difficult to find them in the exact size that works best for swaddling, we either had too much fabric or not enough.

On the clothes topic, here are some things my son never used: baby mittens, baby booties, and baby hats. Granted I lived in San Diego so he did not need as much cold weather gear. That said, he never had a problem with scratching his face (one reason people put mittens on babies), and he was swaddled so much that keeping his hands and feet warm was not an issue. Also most of the newborn onesies we had were footed so socks weren't necessary. I think if we lived in a colder climate he would have worn a hat more outside, but inside it was always warm enough and most newborns spend most of their time indoors. Another item my son never used was a pacifier. We had tons of these given to us and even though I would have given my right arm to get him to use one when he was a newborn and very colicky he never took to them. In retrospect I am glad, since it seems like a habit that would have been hard to break. Like lots of other baby decisions some people feel very passionately either for or against pacifiers. You don't have to decide whether to use them before your baby is born, but it might be good to be aware of both sides of the argument (as it is with other things like co-sleeping, formula feeding, etc.) The list of controversial baby topics is sort of endless.

5. Baby Sleeping/Changing Area. If you are going to have your baby in the bedroom or in the bed with you at the beginning the best thing you can do is to set up your bedroom so that everything is within an arm's reach (read more about how co-sleeping worked for us here). Especially the first few days when you are recovering from the birth you are so tired that getting out of bed can be a pain. We had an extra changing pad on a table at the bottom of our bed, baby clothes in a little plastic bin, a laptop for watching netflix movies, a water bottle and painkillers on the night table, etc. I was basically camped out there for a while with the baby. I spent so much time in the last trimester worried that we would not get the baby's room ready and our baby did not sleep in his crib or go in his room until he was 4 months old. So don't sweat finishing the baby's room if you are feeling pressured. What my baby did sleep in for the first four months was the bouncer, a swing, and our bed (co-sleeping next to me). What he never slept in was the pack n'play I set up right next to the bed. Our son had a lot of trouble sleeping as a newborn, but a lot of people very successfully use a pack n play, or a co-sleeper that attaches to the bed.

Although you probably won't use a crib at the beginning, some lucky parents have newborns who take to sleeping in cribs early. If you are looking for a good value in a crib we got a Leksvik crib from Ikea, after reading Consumer Reports rating it highly and it has been perfect for us (despite some sweat and grumbling trying to put it together). Similarly, although your baby might not sleep in a pack n play at the beginning our toddler still uses ours when we travel so some items that you buy up front may be useful in the long haul.

Standard Boppy pillow

6. Breastfeeding Gear - I used the "Brest Friend pillow" and thought it was really helpful. Another really popular one is the Boppy. I tried this too and I think it is fine, but not as supportive as the brest friend pillow for breastfeeding. Also a lot of people like the boppy pillow because when your baby starts sitting up it doubles as a good place to prop them up while they are developing back muscles.

Standard Brest Friend Pillow

Another recommendation for moms who plan on breast feeding. If you buy a good carrier, a lot of them allow you to walk around and do other stuff while your baby eats. The best one for breastfeeding that I found was a ring sling, the one I have was made by SweetPea Ring Slings. A ring sling and the idea of walking around while breast feeding might seem daunting for first time moms, but it is easier than it looks and there is a big supportive community online offering advice on how to use ring slings and how to hold your baby in different positions. For example there are lots of youtube videos (see how to use a ring sling) and websites devoted to this topic. Also once it hits you that your baby is eating 8-12 times a day as a newborn and at least for my baby he liked to eat for almost an hour each time, you are going to get tired of being chained to a chair while your baby eats.

You might also want to prepare a breastfeeding station for those times that you are sitting in one spot for an hour. A mama friend gave me a big water bottle that I could hold, open, and drink from with one hand, and this was indispensable. You need to drink a lot when breast feeding. I liked to have that, my phone (so I could be Bejeweled), and maybe some snacks, books, or the remote for the TV nearby. Lots of people also make sure they have burp cloths, and whatever else they need for baby nearby.

One final note about breastfeeding. Even if you don't plan to co-sleep with your baby during the night, learning to breastfeed lying down can allow you to be more relaxed and maybe doze while your baby eats, read more about my experience with this here.

7. Car Seat: There are a million car seat to choose from and I think most are very good. If you are on a tight budget you may want the convertible car seat (which can be used from newborn size on up) because then you won't need to two car seats for the same time period. However, I would advise you to buy the infant car seat (instead of a convertible car seat) for two reasons: (a) these seats fit infants better than the bigger seats, and (b) if your baby falls asleep you can lift them in and out of the car while they are still sleeping. I can not overstate the importance of this feature!

Let's assume you are buying an infant car seat. As far as infant car seats I learned the hard way is that you should buy a car seat that has straps that are adjustable in the front (i.e. where baby is sitting). We bought a great car seat from Graco, but you had to adjust the straps to tighten them in the back, which was a giant pain.

The strap hanging down the front is used to adjust the seat belt.

The straps that adjust the seat belt are in the back.

Since for safety you really need to tighten them each time you put the baby in it is a great convenience to have the straps adjusters in front (and most seats are made this way). On the topic of car seats, please do yourself a favor and have an expert inspect your car seat installation. This service is free and they teach you so much, see my blog post for more info.

One more note on infant car seats. They make infant car seats that go up to various height and weight limits. For example, my car seat was listed as working up to 22 pounds or when the child reached 29 inches (whichever comes first). I've noticed car seats advertised as up to 30 pounds or 30 inches (i.e. Graco 30). Now I know by the time my son was 6 months old he was already getting heavy to lug around in the car seat. If you want to leave the car seat in the car then maybe the 30 pound limit will allow you to use it longer, but I would not want to carry a 30 pound baby around in that thing. Also most kids will hit the height limit before they hit the weight limit so you may need to upgrade your car seat just as quickly after all. A quick look at growth chart shows that the average one year old is about 29-30 inches and 22 pounds.

8. Baby Bathtub: I got a very simple but cute whale bathtub for my son and it worked perfectly for us. The key criteria are how it supports your baby and secondly whether it is easy to clean or prone to collecting grime. This one works great. My son used it with the attachment in place until he could sit on his own (about 7 months) and then used the tub until he was at least a year old. Once he started walking he wanted to walk everywhere including the tub, so we had to stop using it. However, I am a big advocate of using these tubs as long as possible as it saves water: good for the environment and for your water bill.

Even though I loved this bathtub I should point out that when babies are newborns they really don't need baths. At the infant care class we took at the hospital after our son was born the instructor told us it is best just to give newborns a bath with a wash cloth and warm water, uncovering only the bits that you are cleaning to keep the rest of their tiny bodies warm. Also newborns really don't get very dirty, well yes their diaper end does, but you clean that each time you change the diaper. The rest of them stay pretty amazingly clean and perfect. My son probably had 6 baths in the first 3 months of his life and that was because I felt like I should, not because he was actually dirty. I have seen bathtub's advertised that fit in the sink for giving newborn's bath, like this one, but I'm not sure why you would pay twice as much for something that won't last as long as the standard infant bathtub.

9. High Chair: Depending on the size of your kitchen/dining area and your personal preferences you can choose between a full size standalone high chair or the kind of high chair that straps on to a regular kitchen chair. I have no experience with the standalone size high chairs, because I think they seem very clunky and I have always lived in a small place.

Fisher Price Space Saver High Chair

Fisher Price Booster Seat

We have used these two high chairs: the Fisher Price Space Saver High Chair (about $55) and the Fisher Price Healthy Care Booster Seat ($25). The Space Saver chair was great because it reclined and starting at about 6 months my son could recline in it and hold his own bottle. It is also comfy and supportive. However, if I had it to do over again I would probably skip the bigger chair and go straight to buying the booster seat.

The booster seat is smaller, easier to clean, good for traveling, and I know lots of people who use them as soon as babies start eating and can sit up on their own (which usually happens about the same time). The covers on high chairs, like the cover on the Space Saver can get pretty yucky while kids are learning to eat. It took me a few months to realize you can just take off the cover and have your baby sit on the plastic. It's easier to clean and with all that baby fat I don't think they notice much of a difference. The biggest thing to consider when buying a high chair (other than safety) is how easy it is to clean. They can get pretty nasty; fewer straps, plastic surfaces, and fewer cracks and seams are priorities.

Items for mamas:

You are going to spend a lot of time thinking about how to prepare things for the baby, but it pays off to do a few things for yourself toward the end of your pregnancy. It doesn't hurt to do some serious cooking before your due date and freeze meals that you can reheat easily later. Even more important take care of yourself, find time to relax and cherish whatever sleep and quiet time you can get! However, there are a few items that will be handy for you to buy before the baby arrives.

1. Buy a water bottle that you can drink from with one hand for breastfeeding (if you plan on breastfeeding). A lot of newborns eat really slow, my son used to take 45-60 minutes per meal and you do that 8-10 times per day. You get really thirsty!

2. Buy a couple of nursing bras before you have the baby and just guess at the size or get something really stretchy. For me it was a big hassle to find a way to go out bra shopping with a newborn. If you have family in town who can watch the baby for you for a while that is great (or if your husband is going to be home for a while). If you have family nearby and/or a husband who is going to get lots of time off when the baby is born then you can wait on some of this stuff and you are a lucky girl. Read more about this in another blog post. More importantly buy some nursing pads (either disposable or cloth) for the inevitable leaking.

3. We bought a video camera before our son was born and it has been awesome for sharing with family who are out of town what he is like and how he is growing up. You can upload videos to Picasa albums or use Vimeo for a similar service.

4. There is an Baby app for your smartphone that I found really useful called Baby ESP (Eat, Sleep, Poop). You can use it to track when your baby last ate, sleeping times, nap times, everything. I found it to be particularly helpful when we were sleep training our son. Here is my blog entry on the app.

I could make a whole separate list of things that we ended up buying or getting as gifts that we never needed. Babies really need very little the first few months, just lots of love and holding! But after we bought a swing and Max slept in it for a month then decided he did not like it anymore I found out I could buy big items (like swings, strollers, play pens, etc.) on Craigslist. If you want to save money this is a great way to do it.

There is probably something essential that I forgot to put on this list, so if you are reading and can think of something I missed feel free to leave a comment and I can add your suggestion to this list.

Baby Marketing Ploys

I just received this flyer in the mail with a big picture of an adorable baby who looks like he just started walking and behind him looking proud and excited his mother softly out of focus. I assumed this was a mailing for some baby product, like all the others. No, this flyer is advertising earthquake insurance.

Does anybody have a clue what they are doing with this photo?

I imagine a photo of a real earthquake, maybe a house disintegrated into rubble and people looking dusty, wounded, and bloody might not sell insurance well. But what's with the baby? Was this just a generic stock photo that the company thought would make people stop and read their brochure? Are babies supposed to bring out our generic protective instinct? Are we supposed to think about how horrifying it would be if this baby was leveled by an earthquake just after he learned to walk, because that's what I thought.

Even creepier... does this marketing campaign somehow know I am a parent? Did some corporation sell an advertising company my data? Do they send other people mailing with different pictures? Do seniors get an image of a happy couple sitting on porch swing.

Anyway I do not plan on buying the insurance, but the flyer certainly got me thinking.

Books - The Runaway Bunny

Not sure if it is maternal hormones or what, but I just love this story: "The Runaway Bunny" by Margaret Wise Brown and illustrated by Clement Hurd.

The pair that constructed this book are also the author and illustrator of "Goodnight Moon", but I think this is actually my favorite of the pair.

The story begins:
Once there was a little bunny who wanted to run away.
So he said to his mother, "I am running away".
"If you run away," said his mother, "I will run after you.
For you are my little bunny."

The little bunny proceeds to explain to his mother all the places he will run away and all the things he will turn into, and his mother explains that no matter where he goes she will follow him and find him. It perfectly captures how I feel about my son.

It does not help my emotional side that this book was in a heartbreaking scene in the movie "Wit". 

Toddler tears?

My son cries as much as any other toddler, but the weird thing is he never cries with tears. You know the big alligator tears you see on so many kids when they fall down or throw a tantrum or someone looks at them the wrong way, not my son.

I was struck by this the other day when we were playing with a neighbor and her two year old and in the span of 10 seconds this little boy went from happy to crying with great big globs of tears sliding down his face. Now my son is perfectly capable of going from happy to sad in 10 seconds, but there are never tears.

I feel really lucky to have been spared this aspect of drama with my son. I know you would probably get used to it if your kid did it, but tears on a little guy make me so so sad. I think I have seen my son's eyes get teary once, one of the times he fell and really hurt himself, but I don't think I ever saw a teardrop slide down his cheeks.

So my question is... how common is this? I know most children do cry with tears, will my son eventually develop this trait or is it something he will learn? Do any other parents have young children that do not cry with tears. My son is 20 months now and still no tears.

Eye-Fi cards uploading photos without cords!

So if you are a parent like me who takes tons of photos of your child and is annoyed by the process of transferring those files onto your computer then you need to put the Eye-Fi card on your wish list.

It looks like a regular SD memory card (the kind of memory that most point and shoot digital cameras use these days). But instead of plugging your camera into your computer, or taking out the SD card and putting it into a card reader the Eye-Fi cards stays in your camera and all you do is bring your camera close to your computer and the images transfer wirelessly to your computer.

The advantage of not having to find and use yet another cord to transfer photos is a surprisingly big deal. This is a better, faster, way of getting those photos onto your computer so you can share them with family and friends even faster.

They now even have a version of the card to be used for smart phones or the iPad. The list price for the basic 4GB card is $50 and the 8GB version is $100. Perfect to put on your holiday or birthday wish list :)

Netflix for Kids

Not sure when Netflix made this addition to their website, but I noticed it today. There is a new tab at the top called "Just for Kids". Love it!

You can sort through videos by looking at a list of characters, such as one of my son's favorites: Shaun the Sheep...

The character list is full of big thumbnail photos of the characters so that, presumably, even non-reading little tykes can navigate to what they want to watch on their own.

The first haircut photo

So my son had his first professional hair cut at 18 months so he looked presentable for his Aunt's wedding. I have seen photos of other kids about his age getting their hair cut on Facebook and in other places. They are happy kids sitting calmly in a chair, or even if they are not happy they are not trying to claw their way out of the chair. I knew that my son was never going to be one of those kids.

Sad, pathetic, miserable boy

Now I am going to show you something most people do not post online - a photo of their child being extremely unhappy and crying while trying to escape a haircut. I think I am doing other parents a favor by showing the dark side of hair cuts. Not every toddler sits placidly while a stranger takes sharp objects and buzzing machines and touches their head with them.

The stylist who cut my son's hair was a saint with superhuman patience and courage. The whole salon was entertained by his crying and frantic attempts to escape my arms. One good samaritan told me that I really needed a photo of this event for posterity, and so I gave him my cell phone and voila: the moment is frozen in time.

When I look through photos of my son, in about 99% of them he is calm and very happy. But other parents know this is not exactly representative of toddler behavior. I tend to grab the camera when he is being irresistibly adorable or silly. But I rarely have an impulse to grab the camera when he is kicking and screaming. Maybe we should take more photos of the bad times and post them on the internet. At the very least it will make other parents realize that they are not alone!

After the haircut - happy once again

Sesame Street - Letter B

In the last three months my son has started being really excited about TV. I know this is a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because this gives me a few minutes to wash dishes or clean up without him clinging to my legs or begging to be picked up or play. It is a curse because now when he wants to watch TV he gets up on the couch and starts pointing furiously at the TV and saying "dat" (which his generic word for everything he wants). Or he goes and gets me the remote and brings it to me. Nothing will deter this boy when he wants to watch TV (except of course his all time favorite activity going outside to play).

He has two favorite shows: Pingu and Sesame Street. Both fortunately have lots of episodes available on  Netflix watch instantly. He adores Pingu and I will write about it another time. But it is watching Sesame Street with my son that is the most fun for me. It is making me nostalgic for memorable Sesame Street moments from my childhood, here is one of the best:

"When I find I can't remember what comes after A and before C, my mother always whispers letter B" can this be any cuter?

One website I visited in my quest to find this "Letter B" episode claimed that the company that owned the Beatles music tried to sue Sesame Street because of this spoof - heartless bastards! Apparently this episode first aired in 1983, in the prime of my Sesame Street watching years.

So today friends I have not thought about for 25 years like Count von Count, Grover, Big Bird, Snuffleupagus, Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch have come back into my life. I am not (so far) as big of a fan of the new characters like Elmo, but maybe they will grow on me. Other additions since my childhood, like Mr. Noodle, sort of creep me out.

But nothing beats watching your kid get excited about something, even if it is TV. The other day there was an episode for the letter J showing kids jumping in all different places all over the world and my 19 month old son got off the couch and started jumping around on the floor with a giant smile on his face. It doesn't get any better than that :)

Medication dosage chart

At a recent visit to our nurse-practitioner when my son was we got into a discussion about how tracking the correct dosages of medications can be confusing. The nurse-practitioner gave us a chart of the dosages for Acetaminophen (Tylenol), Ibuprofen (Advil), and Diphenhydramine (Benadryl) by weight.

I wish we had received this chart earlier. It would be nice if it were mandatory that doctors give it to parents at their first well-baby check-up. I am sure it is easy to find all this information online, but it is nice to have it in one document that is doctor-approved.

Here it is for anyone who wants to use it. I know it is not very pretty since it is a scanned photocopy, but at least the information is there.

"No", "Careful", and "Gentle": top 3 words of toddlerdom

So my son is 19 months old and I talk to him a lot, but the three words that I seem to say the most these days are:

1. "No" as in "no hitting", "no biting", "no throwing"
2.  "Careful" as in "careful when you climb onto very high pieces of furniture and start jumping you are probably going to fall and hurt yourself"
3. "Gentle" as in "gentle with the cat, if you pull his tail really hard he is going to get mad"

These are just examples of the countless ways in which I use these words each day. Is it just me or do all parents of toddlers find these words coming out of their mouths way too often?

So my question for parents of other active toddlers is when do these three words start to fade from your vocabulary?

Travel tips - use an overnight diaper

I just got back from a trip to Chicago with my 18 month old son and consequently have a long list of travel tips, some of which I knew in advance and some of which I learned the hard way.

Not sure where I first heard this tip about overnight diapers, but it works beautifully so I want to share it. If you are traveling with your baby/toddler instead of using a regular diaper on the airplane, put them in one of those special ultra absorbent overnight diapers right before you get on the plane.

My son sleeps in these types of diapers at night and they can hold a lot of pee without getting uncomfortable or leaking. We use the Pampers brand and they advertise that they last for 12 hours and I would say that is about right.

I will do anything to avoid changing my son in those tiny smelly airplane bathrooms!

Nusery University - warning do not watch if you live in NYC

So if anyone is in a mood to procrastinate, has a toddler, and a netflix streaming account then check out this documentary about parents trying to get their kids into "elite" preschools in NYC "Nursery University"

Either it will make you feel good about the price and options for  pre-school in your neck of the woods or if you live in New York and are a Type-A personality it might make you start to freak out about your child's chances of getting in to an Ivy League university. In fact if you live in NYC I would not advice watching this movie at all, it is a little too disturbing.

The impression I got from watching most of the parents in this documentary is that even two year olds are old enough to enter the rat race.

Some of the parents come across as pretty scary. They seem convinced that a good pre-school would feed into a good elementary school, then acceptance into an elite private high school and then a spot at an Ivy League university, a good job and then ultimately a chance to shepherd their own children through the crazy school admissions game.

However, the pre-school staff and other parents seem to realize that this much hype about pre-school is crazy and that nursery does not seal your fate! Chalk this one up as one more reason not to live in NYC.

The Fourth Trimester theory

I wholeheartedly agree with the idea that newborns really need a "fourth trimester" of pregnancy, hence their first three months of life they are essentially not ready for life on the outside. Pregnancy.org has an article written by Dr. Karp explaining his theory about the "fourth trimester" and its relationship to colic. ParentMap has a shorter explanation of this fourth trimester phenomenon.

For a while we tried to follow the advice from the book Happiest Baby on the Block, by Dr. Karp. While his theory of the "fourth trimester" makes perfect sense, his advice on getting babies to calm down only helped us sporadically and it was a lot more work than simply putting baby in a baby carrier and walking around - which had a 99% success rate. I am sure if we were more studious and serious about his methods we would have had better luck. Basically his advice calls for using five techniques to calm your newborn - the 5 S's:

1. swaddling
2. side/stomach position
3. shushing
4. swinging
5. sucking

The thing that seemed to help my son most was being held stomach down, we got the most bang for our buck out of that technique. Other things, like sucking, were pretty unhelpful. He did sometimes suck on a finger but he never was interested in pacifiers.

Any feedback from readers on this theory and whether using the 5 S's made a big difference to them?

Thousand dollar stroller?!

Could someone please explain to me what prompts someone to spend $1049.99 on a stroller?


Seriously, I am speechless!!!

Here are the details - Stokke stroller.

News that is not news: young mothers eat poorly and exercise less than non-mothers

Common sense: young mother + young child = no time for healthy cooking or exercising

So why did someone bother writing this article in the NYT Health section about how young mothers eat less healthy foods and exercise less than other people?

Seriously when you are sleep-deprived and exhausted and your baby or toddler finally lays down to take a nap what are you going to do?
a. wash and chop vegetables and cook a healthy meal
b. get on the treadmill or take out the yoga dvd
c. lie down on the couch/bed and try to relax and hopefully sleep

I'm guessing even non-parents can guess which answer is correct. Okay, enough being snarky. Obviously the issue is a little more complex than I am making it seem. However, I always chuckle a little when I see these kind of findings and file them away in my brain under "news that is not news to anyone".

Babies and technology: ipod boy

I had no idea that my son ever really noticed my ipod until last weekend when he went over to my desk, stood on his tiptoes, grabbed my ipod, and proceeded to stick the earbuds into his ears (or try to). He then walked around holding the earphones to his ears and looking ridiculously cute until I turned the ipod on and then put the earphones back up to his ears - which he loved.

The only time I really wear the earphones around my son is when I take him on a long walk or run in the stroller and I will sometimes bring the ipod. Clearly he noticed! Here is a pic of him holding the earphone up to one ear. You think Apple will want to use him for their next set of advertisements, they could start marketing to a whole new set of consumers ;)

iToddler

2x Roseola

It is scary to see your baby have a fever, but after two bouts with Roseola I can say if he has to have a fever this is the one I would choose.

My son has had Roseola twice, once at about 10 months old and again at about 13 months old.
The fever got pretty high, around 103, and stayed high for 4-5 days. In general my son was acting fairly normal. The fever worried us, but we called our pediatrician who told us Roseola was going around and said the fever was a good sign that his body was fighting the infection, and unless he seemed to be in pain or discomfort we did not need to give him any medication.

There were a few nights we gave him Tylenol because he was having trouble sleeping, but in general he was his regular happy self, just with a fever. By the fifth day, just as his temperature was dropping,  I saw tiny red spots on his tummy and back, they got brighter and then disappeared over the course of maybe a day and half.

Apparently the days when a fever was considered dangerous (my mother's and grandmother's generation) have been replaced by the contemporary medical wisdom that the fever is the body's way of fighting off an infection and you should not interfere with it (of course if your baby is under six months old I think different rules apply). All things considered if your baby has to be sick this is a pretty easy illness to handle.

Memories of childbirth - the broken bed

For some reason I recently remembered one of the most stupidly grueling parts of my labor and delivery experience and I thought it would be a nice start to a series of blog posts on childbirth.

Not sure you have the patience to read my birth story all in one sitting, let's just say it's hard to summarize quickly. But a few days ago I remembered a low point. I was in miserable pain with what is known as "back labor" (I would not wish this on my worst enemy) and they had just wheeled me back into the delivery room after a scare during which they took me to the Operating Room and got ready to do an emergency c-section. Well the c-section was not necessary (big relief), but when we got back to the delivery room they found out the high-tech million dollar hospital bed I was on was broken. So they wheeled in another fancy bed and told me to climb onto it.

Should be easy right? Well I was at a point where I could barely think straight, speaking was tough, and moving was excruciating. I was about 6 cm dilated and lying down in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask, an IV in my arm, a blood pressure cuff, and heart rate monitors strapped around my belly. I started to try to move and got tangled in cords and sheets. I felt like they were asking me to climb Mount Everest, and for some reason none of the nurses seemed inclined to help me get onto the other bed. Anyway, to make a long story short it felt like it took me 20 minutes to climb from one bed onto the other bed. It probably took me five minutes and all of my concentration. Seems really funny now, but at at the time I was not so thrilled. Fortunately after that things got better and in the end my son arrived healthy and adorable!

Why having a baby who is a bad sleeper early on might be good in the long run

So here is my newest theory*:

If you have a baby who is a really bad sleeper during the first months this may actually be good in the long run, because you will be forced to address and work through sleep issues early in your child's life.

Here is the sequence of events as they happened in my family:

1. my son did not regularly sleep for more than 2 hours at a time for the first four months of his life
2. by the time he was four months old we were all so sleep deprived and miserable that we felt we had to make a big change and we did some sleep training (Ferber style)
3. a week after we started the sleep training everyone was getting so much more sleep, including my son who was happier and better rested. He started taking long naps and only waking up 1x per night
4. at 15 months old he sleeps really well for naps and sleeps through the night from 7:30pm-6:00am (apart from the occasional night when he is sick or teething) 

Now I don't know what it's like to have a young baby who is a "good sleeper", but I do know a few people with older babies who still need to coax their children to sleep each night. A case in point is a friend of mine who was still rocking her baby to sleep when he was eleven months old. Or another mom who still had to breastfeed her baby to sleep every night when he was two years old. There is nothing wrong with doing these things as long as everyone is happy doing them, but this is not always the case.

This post is not intended to encourage people to try sleep training or to criticize certain methods of getting your baby to sleep. My motto is do whatever works for your family. But I am hoping if there are people out there with young babies who are eligible for the "worst sleeper ever" prize you will see that there might be a silver lining to your situation.

At least in my case I am sure that if my son was only waking up 1x or 2x a night at four months old I would have felt no need to do sleep training. But since he was waking up on average about 4x times a night we were desperate and when he was old enough we tried the sleep training.

* As always my theories are based on limited anecdotal evidence.

Egg allergy

My poor boy is allergic to eggs, and I am hoping he will outgrow it. Apparently most kids outgrow egg allergies by the time they start school. Anyone else have experience with this? If so please leave a comment and let me know what happened.

My son has had eggs twice, once when he was 9 months old to see if he was allergic and once by accident when he was 12 months old and both times he ended up with red spots on his face wherever his skin made contact with egg. On both occasions the symptoms disappeared in about 20 minutes.

Fortunately this is a pretty mild allergic reaction, as far as allergies go. And he does not seem to be allergic to eggs in baked products (like cookies, breads, etc.). However, we have steered clear of most things containing eggs to be on the safe side.

Ground Flax-seed is a really nice alternative to egg for anyone looking to cook for someone with allergies and it is really good for you as well. All you do is mix 1 tablespoon flaxseed and 3 tablespoons water and use that to substitute for one egg.

I am still hoping my son will outgrow this allergy as I want him to be able to enjoy all the yummy eggy foods that I love.

Nursing Bras - do not make the mistake I made

Before our baby was born my husband and I went to a childbirth class which was generally pretty good except for one piece of advice the instructor gave us mamas. She said don't go buy a nursing bra now, wait until a couple weeks after the baby is born so you know what size your breasts will be when you are nursing. 


So I am sure this is great advice if you have time to go on a leisurely shopping trip looking for bras when your baby is 2 weeks old! Maybe if you have family who can babysit this would work for you, or maybe if you have one of those babies who are content to sleep in their carseat/stroller as you shop then this would work... or maybe not.


Reasons to buy a couple of nursing bras before your baby is born:

1. take it from me you do not want to spend 2 weeks trying to figure out how to nurse your baby in your old bras which are now too small
2. see above, some babies are not going to tolerate a shopping expedition at two weeks old
3. even if your baby would be happy to shop with you I am sure you have better things to do, like rest and recover from your baby's birth
4. most bras that you buy ahead or time can be returned if the size is an issue

I bought a few bras for nursing and here are my thoughts:

• Medela sleep bra - not so great, started to fray pretty quickly and very thin fabric. 
• I bought a couple bras at Target that do not have a brand name (that I can see), but worked really well.
• what worked out best for me was nursing tank tops that I bought from Target. Big busted ladies this might not be enough support for you, but for me it was perfect and I still sleep in them.

It did take me until my baby was 10 months old to realize that I could just use a large sports bra that is very stretchy as a nursing bra. It is stretchy enough to pull it up from the bottom or down from the top - and much cheaper than most official "nursing" bras.


Make sure you get some nursing pads before your baby arrives as well, leaky boobs are just no fun.


I used these fancy disposable pads by Lansinoh before I discovered that you could buy cloth/washable pads (mine are made by Nuk) which work just as well and reduce trash! I am sure crafty mamas could make their own nursing pads out of cloth. 

The panty liner trick:
In case you get in a tight spot and don't have any nursing pads on hand here is a trick I discovered. Take a panty liner cut it in half and stick it to the inside of my bra.

Extended Rear Facing Car Seats - the "Orphan Seat"

Among car seat safety experts it is common knowledge that babies and toddlers are safest staying in a  rear-facing car seat as long as possible, and an article in today's New York Times Health section tries to bring that message to a broader audience. The article states that the American Academy of Pediatrics recently announced that they advise parents to keep toddlers in a rear-facing car seat until they are at least 2 years old.

Many guidelines tell parents they can turn a car seat around to be forward facing when a child is 1 year old and weighs 20 pounds, but parents do not realize that just because they can does not mean they should. Lots of parents like the idea of turning the car seat forward facing for lots of reasons (easier getting child in and out, can see child from front seat, child seems less cramped, etc.). However, like so many other parenting decisions, the more convenient option is also the less safe option (see my post on drop-side cribs).

Rear-Facing Car Seat

Because babies have weak necks and large heads if they are in a serious accident their heads are thrown forwards and their necks can often snap. On the other hand, if they are facing the back of the car (rear-facing) the force of the accident is mostly absorbed by the car seat.

If you are trying to decide when to turn your child's car seat to forward-facing check out this video on Youtube: "The Importance of Rear-Facing" and cut to time 1:30 when they show a crash test with a forward facing and rear facing car seat.

For me the most striking passage in the NYT article is a quote from a pediatrician, Dr. Baer, who says:

“It’s a horrible term,” she said, “but E.M.T.’s call the rear-facing seat ‘the orphan seat’ because in a bad car accident, that child is often the only one who survives."

Here is some more information about the greater safety of extended rear-facing: Rear-Facing Safety
For more information see my earlier blog post on installing car seats, and advice on getting a car seat safety inspection.

Babywearing - Moby Wrap review

So I have already written about how babywearing changed my life, I thought I should review different carriers, starting with the Moby Wrap.

We heard rave reviews of the Moby wrap from friends, the instructor at our childbirth class, and even the instructor of a baby care class we took in the hospital the day after our son was born. Being cynical people my husband and I were skeptical that any product could be that revolutionary. We even joked that the company that makes these wraps must be giving these people a commission if they can sell more of them. Well we were wrong...

It does take a day or two of practice to learn how to tie the wrap around your body. The first time I saw a friend do it I thought it looked ridiculously complicated, but surprisingly after doing it two or three times it becomes second nature. However, once you master that the rest is pretty easy.

Newborns love to sleep in these wraps. My husband and I both wore our son constantly for the first three months of his life. This was the only way we could guarantee he would fall asleep.

Our preferred position for him as a newborn was the hug hold and also a variation on this where his side was against my chest rather than his tummy. We generally put him in the Moby wrap already swaddled. If he was in a really deep sleep in the Moby Wrap we often would be able to remove him from the wrap and put him down for a nap in his bouncy chair. Sometimes we just continued to wear him while he slept and we did whatever we wanted: watched movies, ate meals, cleaned the house. I also often fell asleep on the couch in a sort of semi-sitting position while my son was asleep wrapped around me. For the first few months with a newborn this was a lifesaver.

Photographing babies - why my second child will hate me

I am not planning to have a second child anytime soon. But I already know that second child will hate me because at some point he/she will discover that there are thousands of baby photos of his/her older brother and only a handful of the second child. I can completely understand why this happens. Everything your first baby does is fascinating. I think the problem is only compounded now that we have digital photography and the instant gratification it provides.

All I can say is that I am glad I was a first child (and a twin). There are plenty of photos of my babyhood!

Baby teethbrushing

My fourteen month old son used to scream bloody murder every night when we tried to brush his teeth. I am writing this post to inspire other parents who wonder if the horrendous ear splitting baby screams during teeth brushing will ever end.

He did not start out this way. He started getting teeth at about seven months and for the first few months he would let me brush them lightly with a cloth or a baby toothbrush. But along with the attitude he developed at about twelve months old he decided he did not have to tolerate this kind of invasive behavior any more. So we battled on through and tooth-brushing was literally the most difficult part of our day for a long time. But now finally it seems like the tide may have turned. However, I won't hold my breath. This could just be a phase. I know one of my husband's co-workers literally has to threaten her young children with putting them in a headlock to brush their teeth if they do not do it themselves. Things might also go downhill for us. I would not worry so much but my son has a tendency to get a visible buildup of food stuck between his bottom teeth and I do not want him to start out his life with cavities!

Here is some great advice about tooth-brushing for toddlers that do not like it (I'm guessing this represents the majority of the toddler population). This advice was passed along to me by knowledgeable parents and it has made a big difference.

1. contain that squirmy kid - try brushing teeth when they are strapped into their high-chair
2. try using that baby Orajel toothpaste that has a sort of yummy sticky sweet taste
3. use a baby toothbrush - do not use one of those rubber brushes that you stick over the end of your finger - unless you like having your fingers chomped on by very sharp toddler teeth

Use this yummy toothpaste but do not use the rubber finger brush thingy with a baby with top and bottom teeth unless you want to feel excruciating pain.

My son is still pretty cranky about the whole teeth brushing thing, but at least he doesn't wake up the whole neighborhood. He is in a good mood until I approach with the toothbrush then he throws himself forward trying to escape the highchair. Then he passively accepts his fate as I use one hand to cup his head from behind to keep him still and then use the other hand to brush his teeth.

Of course by brushing his teeth I do not mean two minutes of good solid brushing motions, or whatever it is adults are supposed to achieve. I mean about fifteen seconds of trying to make the toothbrush bristles connect with his four upper teeth and four bottom teeth while he tries to clamp his lips down to stop me. But still this is progress and now that he is no longer yelling so much I am feeling victorious.

Special diaper pails - worth the $?

Special super duty can

My home diaper disposal station

So in order to put all my cards on the table I should say up front that I never bought one of those special diaper pail/garbage cans and I am naturally pretty frugal. That said I am wondering whether anyone thinks these are worth the money?

These specialty diaper pails are not terribly expensive, maybe $20-$30, but the refill bags seem to be the real moneymakers. They charge about $6-9 for refills and I am not sure how long these refills last - also it seems like it would be a pain to have to shop for the refills.

I have always just used a normal metal garbage can for diapers lined with a basic plastic bag. In fact the same can I use downstairs for scooping the kitty litter is used for diapers. When our son was very tiny we threw all the diapers in there and took it out every few days. As he started eating solid food and the poopy diapers became stink bombs we just put small plastic bags in a basket near his changing table (the kind you get from the grocery store) and threw the nasty diapers directly in those bags and took them out every day.

Any feedback from readers? Are these special diaper pails any good?

Correlation between introduction of solid food and obesity (in formula fed babies)

So the latest article to catch my eye from the New York Times Health section reports on research which finds an increased risk of obesity in babies who are formula fed and introduced to solid food before 4 months old. Another article which discusses correlation between variables, but is going to suggest causation to millions of readers (for more discussion of this issue see my other post on spurious correlation as related to baby sleep and Autism).

This New York Times article suggests some theories for why timing of solid food could be linked to later obesity:

"It’s not clear why the timing of solid food was linked with obesity risk among the formula-fed babies in the study. It may be that mothers who use formula are less tuned in to their baby’s hunger and satiety cues. Or early feeding of solid food could be a sign of other unhealthy behaviors that influence a child’s weight. For instance, mothers who use formula and offer solid food before four months may have a tendency to use food to soothe a fussy child or be more prone to less healthful eating themselves."

This research smacks of scientific fishing to me. They had this study, Project Viva, with a wealth of data and they found correlations between three variables: formula feeding, timing of introducing solid food, and childhood obesity. I wish we could hear the scientific back story to see how they "found" this link.

Another question that I wondered when I read this article was how do these research projects define "breastfeeding" and "formula feeding". It seems like scientific literature always suggests that these are two distinct groups, even though in practice many mothers do a combination of breastfeeding and formula feeding. This frustration led me to go look up the article in the Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics and find out their methodology for distinguishing these groups. This is what they did:

"We divided children into 2 groups: breastfed, defined as children who were at least partly breastfed for at least 4 months, and formula-fed, defined as children who were never breastfed or stopped breastfeeding before the age of 4 months."

To me what this means is that many "breastfed" infants may have also been receiving an indeterminate amount of formula. For example, many mothers may breastfeed at night and send their infants to day care with formula during the day. This is just another way in which a supposedly straightforward scientific discovery gets pretty messy the more you look at it. What they were really doing is comparing purely formula fed infants with infants receiving breastmilk but perhaps also supplementing with formula.

In the process of researching this article I found a brief description of when and how to introduce solid food to babies on the American Academy of Pediatric's nifty website for parents: HealthyChildren.org.

Why do babies only bite their mamas?

About five minutes ago my son bit me extra extra hard in my armpit (ow!!!). He really likes biting me. Sometimes it happens when he is teething, but other times I think he is just doing it for fun or attention. The weird thing is he never bites his dad. What is that all about?

I have talked to several friends with babies/toddlers around my son's age and it appears to be normal for babies to bite their mamas but not their dadas (or daycare providers for that matter). Why do mamas get all the teeth marks and bruises?

I should also point out that I have a cat who never bites my husband, but does from time to time bite me. At least with the cat I am pretty sure it is because my husband is more dominant and will seriously punish him if he bites him. With my son I'm not really sure what is going on... 

By the way I do know I should try to break my son of this biting habit and believe me I am trying. The thing is when he bites me a lot of the time it is so unexpected and it is always in the most sensitive places: the inside of my thighs, the backs of my knees, or now my armpit! I tell him no and make him sit by himself for a while, but so far this has not resulted in any serious changes in behavior.

I guess I can console myself with the thought that even though I get to deal with my son's wildest side and worst crying spells, I also get the best snuggles and the most love. I think mamas get the highest highs and the lowest lows of baby behavior.

Anyway I resisted the urge to take a photo of the bruise under my arm which is now turning purple, so I am sure most readers will be happy they do not have to look at that. But if you have kids and have (or have not) experienced this "biting mama only" thing please let me know why you think this happens.

Milestone charts

Like most parents I go through times when I become worried that my son is falling behind and not meeting "milestones" like the other kids. Poor kid, who knew the rat race started so early?

Babycenter has a pretty helpful little chart that explains when certain skills develop in toddlers (13-18 months) and a couple other charts for the infants (1-6 months and 6-12 months). See all their charts here.

I like that they have divided their charts into three columns for each month:

1. Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
2. Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
3. Advanced Skills (a few kids can do) 

I think it helpful for parents to realize that there is a lot of variation in when kids develop different skills. I am particularly hoping that my son will skip one skill that is included under 15 months "Adopts "no" as his favorite word"!

My son did not really start sitting up without support until 6 months, he did not start crawling until 10 months, and did not take steps on his own until he was 1 year. Now he is 14 months old and has just transitioned to the point where he is walking more than crawling. I was so excited for him to walk and now I am both happy and sad he is growing up so fast.

Shaken Baby Syndrome and scientific ambiguity

Today the New York Times published a story about the scientific ambiguity surrounding Shaken Baby Syndrome (SBS). When a baby is hurt or killed I think it is natural for us to want to punish someone. In many cases diagnosed as SBS the caregiver denies ever shaking the baby and typically there are no witnesses to testify. Naturally many people would lie to protect themselves. So the question is how do you determine whether someone is guilty of this offense? This article questions some of the "proof" used to convict people of SBS.

What a sad article! Mainly I feel that this article exposes how terrible it is to be faced with such suffering without understanding the cause. I really think that we always want someone to blame for tragedy. Whether we are blaming a person or a gene (as in the case of genetic disease) we want to know the cause. If medical science could conclusively prove that the brain injury was the result of either SBS or some prior medical condition then we would not have this terrible uncertainty. However, it was this faith in medical science's ability to "conclusively" prove that a crime was committed that led to some terrible wrongful convictions.

Basically what this article argues is this:

1. Certain very damaging and often fatal injuries in children (brain bleeding and swelling) used to be considered incontrovertible proof of Shaken Baby Syndrome (i.e. that someone had willfully shaken the baby causing this trauma).
2. This medical evidence was used to convict people for this crime even when there was no other evidence to suggest they hurt the child (for example there were no witnesses, or confessions, etc.)
3. New scientific findings suggest that these injuries can also be the result of other previously undetected medical problems which might remain hidden until they become acute and potentially fatal.
4. As a consequence many cases in which people have been convicted of shaking a baby and causing these internal injuries are now thrown into question and several people have either been released from prison or had their cases retried and been cleared of wrongdoing.

The article points out that although it is likely that most infants with these symptoms probably are the victims of abuse, the symptoms alone should not be considered conclusive evidence. Additionally in a court the requirement that someone's guilt be proven "beyond a reasonable doubt" may be hard to establish in these types of Shaken Baby Syndrome cases. Here is a quick summary from the article:

"A dozen years ago, the medical profession held that if the triad of subdural and retinal bleeding and brain swelling was present without a fracture or bruise that would indicate, for example, that a baby had accidently fallen, abuse must have occurred through shaking. In the past decade, that consensus has begun to come undone... A small but growing number of doctors warn that there can be alternate explanations — infections or bleeding disorders, for example — for the triad of symptoms associated with shaken-baby syndrome."

Any thoughts from readers on this article? I really wonder how I would feel if it were my child.

Off topic, but in the passage I quoted is that really how you spell "accidently", I always thought it was "accidentally". Any spelling virtuosos want to weigh in on this?

thank you Cheerios (and General Mills)

I never thought I would be thanking a behemoth food processing corporation, but I am. I really do not think my son could survive without Cheerios. He is thirteen months old now and his two favorite foods are Cheerios and bananas. His face lights up when he sees his Cheerios and when he is sick this is his chicken soup.

The Cheerios website even devotes a whole page to "New Parents". I guess they are well aware of their power over toddlers via their parents.

Laundry room blues

So if there is one thing I could change to make my condo better for my family now that we have a child it would be to add a washer/dryer.

I have the laundry room blues. Doing laundry while supervising a baby poses some challenges that I have not been able to solve. Mainly the challenge is what to do with the baby when you run down to the laundry room to put the laundry in the washer, change it to the dryer, and collect it to bring it back. The laundry room in our complex is only about a minute walk away, so each trip only takes at the most five minutes. But babies can get into a world of mischief in five minutes if they are left alone. By the way the same challenge applies to a lot of other daily activities (e.g. how to do the bathroom while watching your baby, how to take out the trash while watching your baby, etc.)

1-3 months (newborn phase): In some ways this was the easiest. My baby slept so much and he usually slept strapped to me in a baby carrier. He was only 7-12 pounds during this time period, so I could easily carry him down to the laundry room with me. Or I could run to the laundry room without him and he would be peacefully asleep the whole time.

3-6 months: This phase was still pretty easy. I still tried to run down to the laundry room during naps, but if he was awake I could put him in his swing or bouncy chair and know that he could not get into any trouble for the five minutes I was gone.

6-9 months: By this point my son was napping less and he was done with his baby swing. I tried carrying him down to the laundry room in his baby carrier, but the weight of him plus the laundry basket was a lot to carry. Also trying to pull stuff out of a deep washer while not squashing your baby is hard. Fortunately he was not crawling yet so I could leave him sitting on the floor surrounded by toys and pillows and the worst that could happen when I was gone was that he would topple over.

9-12 months: Things got complicated. My son is now 20 pounds and carrying him and a laundry basket with me to the laundry room will definitely cause me to break a sweat and/or hurt my back. If I leave him alone on the floor even for thirty seconds he usually manages to get into something or climb on top of something and either a) hurt himself or b) make an unholy mess (or both). I can put him in the crib which makes him sort of unhappy if he is not tired but at least I know he is safe while I am gone.

So the smart reader will be thinking why doesn't this idiot do one of the following:
a) do laundry after her son goes to bed
b) do laundry while her husband is home and can watch the kid
c) install a washer/dryer in the condo

So the bottom line is that I am lazy at night, bad at planning ahead, and not willing to spend the time/money. But a reasonable person could probably avoid all these silly little dilemmas. In the meantime I am envious of my friends who have washers/dryers. However, the one advantage of my situation is that I get to capture moments like this:

My son helping me do the laundry.