What I learned from my second baby

Whenever I talk to people who are pregnant or have a newborn and want advice I try to make sure the first thing I tell them is that every pregnancy, every labor and delivery, and every newborn is different so take all advice including mine with a grain of salt.

With my first son who was a colicky and very high needs newborn I heard all sorts of advice and tried all of it only to find myself discouraged that none of the things that worked like a charm for other parents (swaddling, pacifiers, white noise, etc.) made my son noticeably happier. Although I had heard plenty of stories of friends who have one easy pregnancy and then a hard one, one easy delivery and one hard one, and one easy newborn and one hard one I was not convinced my experience would be similar. Besides everything being more exhausting (because I had a toddler to care for), and the notable difference that my second son was breech, my pregnancy felt about the same. I was mentally preparing for another very high needs, possibly colicky baby as I hit the 9th month.

Well my second son is almost 5 months old now and I think I can safely say he was from day one a very very different kid than my older son. So chalk one up to nature and inherited personality traits. My first son as a newborn wanted to be held 24 hours a day if possible, starting his first night in the hospital. And holding was really not enough he wanted to be walked around, sitting and holding him or standing and swaying was just not enough. My first son lived in the Moby wrap for his first few months, my second son tried it once. My second son likes being held while he is eating and sometimes for a little bit afterward, but is equally happy lying on his back or sitting in his bouncy chair.

Here are some other differences, some major some minor.

1. Size differences: Baby 1 was born at 7 lbs 2 oz and was long and lean and never had much baby fat. Baby 2 was born at 7 lbs 11 oz is a relative chunkster with real baby fat folds on his legs (although he's just 50% for height and weight)
2. Happiness differences: Baby 1 loved to laugh and started laughing early. Baby 2 started smiling early and will smile at the drop of the hat, but laughing takes more work.
3. Sadness differences: Baby 1 cried like crazy but never had real tears (you know the salty water leaking from his eyes). Baby 2 does not cry much, but when he does he has big sad alligator tears.
4. Sleep patterns: Baby 1 was a horrific sleeper until 4 months, then sleep training pretty quickly worked miracles and he was a terrific napper and night time sleeper. Baby 2 was a champion sleeper until 3 months then the sh*t hit the fan, and sleep training at 4 months was only a moderate success.  
5. Cosmetic differences: Baby 1 has blond hair, blue eyes, and fair skin (and still does as a 3 year old). Baby 2 was born with a darker complexion, dark brown hair, and gray-blue eyes which look like they will probably turn brown.

They are not total opposites. In four very important ways they are very alike:

1. They were both really social from the get go and loved human interaction.
2. They were both abysmal sleepers for a while, just at different stages.
3. They were both excellent eaters from birth and both took to breastfeeding like a duck to water.
4. They both abhor the infant car seat and would scream endlessly in it (until sleep training and they acquired the ability to self-soothe).

In fact there is only one member of the household who has consistently liked the car seat, TJ.

This black blob with a red collar is TJ, and he loves the car seat, unlike my boys.

Anyone else notice immediate differences between their kids after they were born? I'm guessing there are also parents who happen to have kids who are carbon copies of each other (I am an identical twin so I can understand how this happens). Add your comments and let me know what pattern you saw in your family.